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    What if Filipino esports shoutcasters were commentators for traditional sports?

    Imagine Lon and Dunoo replacing Magoo Marjon
    Feb 12, 2022
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    PHOTO: (Ronaldo) AP

    HAVE you ever thought of the idea where Filipino esports shoutcasters would take their talents to other sports?

    Imagine hearing Manjean “Manjean” Faldas in the PBA stage or Mark Adrian “Butters” Jison in the UEFA Champions League? Chances are the crowd might enjoy, or perhaps cringe, at their shenanigans.

    But maybe they would also fire up that audience, and bring in new viewers, with their unorthodox creativity.

    Who knows? So we might as well imagine a hypothetical scenario of seeing our beloved Pinoy casters in the traditional sporting world.

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      FOOTBALL

      Scenario: Real Madrid overloads the right flank, crossing the ball to the penalty area where Cristiano Ronaldo scores with a towering header, leading to a 5-0 stomp in favor of Los Blancos.

      Ronaldo then unveils his signature “SIUUU” celebration. I wonder how Manjean and Wolf would narrate this moment.

      Manjean: “SIUUUUUUUUUUPERRRRRRRRRRR SAIYAN! SINGKO-KAMOTE! CRISTIANO RONALDOOOOOO! Mr. CR7 with the abangers play!"

      Wolf: “Ang ganda ng ginawa ng Real Madrid sa pagset-up ng goal. Si Mercedes Benz (Karim Benzema) pumunta sa kanan para mag-UBE strat. Syempre nag-adjust yung depensa na nag-create ng space para kay Ronaldo sa loob. So pagka-cross ng bola yung UBE naging Banana Split!

      "And take note si Ronaldo magaling sa abangers yan, kaya nga CR7 ang tawag sa kanya kase halos majority ng goals niya ay kakagaling niya lang sa CR."

      In fact, I could think of other scenarios where their obsession with puns would dominate the football landscape.

      Gianluigi “Gigi” Buffon makes a penalty save and Manjean would scream: “IT’S A GG!”

      Zinedine Zidane outmaneuvers three defenders with his signature dribbling skills, and Wolf would assess: “The ball control leaves the defense flat footed, na-jebait sila Manjean! Pagkagalaw ng bola sa kaliwa, 'Deyns pre!' Tapos lilipat sa kanan, 'Zi-deyns mehn!'"

      FORMULA 1

      Scenario: Lewis Hamilton performs an extremely risky overtake on Sebastian Vettel as Lon and Dunoo (may he rest in peace) provide their commentary.

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      Lon: “UY PILIPINO YAN SI LEWIS HAMILTON! TINGNAN MO YUNG GALAW OH!”

      Dunoo: “OY! OY! OY! OY! OY! YAN ANG GALAW SA EDSA, MAG-OVERTAKE NA WAPAKELS MASKI MAY MMDA O PULIS, TAKBUHIN MO NG MABILIS!”

      Suddenly, Sebastian Vettel’s tire just randomly pops.

      Lon: “YOU KNOW WHAT’S COOKING! BOOM!”

      Sebastian Vettel, of course, has no choice but to leave his car, and walks to the pit while the other racers blitz past him.

      Lon: “LAKAD MATATAAAAAG!”

      Dunoo: “Normalin! Normalin!”

      But perhaps this iconic casting duo deserves more attention and I could imagine them lighting up the golf course.

      GOLF

      Scenario: It’s Yuka Saso’s turn to put the ball in the hole. She is now measuring her swing.

      Lon: "ETO NA! ETO NA! ETO NA! Ay na-jebaited tayo jan!"

      Dunoo: "Steady lang! Masyado tayong gigil eh! Ganyan tayo mga Pilipino eh!"

      All of a sudden, Saso starts swinging, the ball then lands on the green, rolling towards the hole.

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      Lon: "UY! UY! UY! UY!"

      Dunoo: *whispers* "Easihan lang natin muna mga papichulo tingnan na muna natin kung…"

      Ball enters the hole.

      Both Casters: "YAPPIEEEEEEEEBALLLLLERRRRRRRRRSSSSS!"

      Dunoo: "WALANG KABA KABA! YUKA SASOOOOO! THE PILIPINA HUSKAR!"

      Lon: "SASO-LOHIN NIYA ANG PILIPINAS! HAHAHAHAHA"

      MMA

      Scenario: A ONE Championship title match between Denice Zamboanga and Angela Lee, with Uomi and Butters providing their commentary.

      Uomi: "Welcome sa ating ONE ESPORTS Championship… Ay sorry, yung utak ko kakagaling lang sa MPLI kaya…"

      Butters: "HAHAHAHA! Muntikan ko nang sabihin Blacklist International vs. EVOS SG!"

      Uomi: "HAHAHAHA! So ayun na nga, ibang event pala ito. ONE Championship match between Denice 'Senpai' Zamboanga vs. Angela 'Waifu' Lee."

      Then the scene shifts to the heated battle between the two atomweight juggernauts. Denice unleashes a flurry of body strikes.

      Butters: “ISA PA! (grunt) ISA PA! (grunt) Buhatin mo yung bandera ng Pilipinas! Zamboanga Pacquiao! Zamboanga Balboa! Ilabas mo na lahat, Lee Sin, Chou, Paquito, Ch4kmamba!"

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      A frustrated Angela Lee starts going for a desperate roundhouse kick which Zamboanga dodges.

      Uomi: "Oh, nice Way of the Dragon there, pero na-dodge ni Senpai gamit ng kanyang Shunpo."

      Following by the dodge, Zamboanga unleashes an uppercut, knocking Angela Lee out.

      Both Casters: "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

      Butters: "THE FLICKER AND RETRIBUTION PLAY! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!"

      As Butters and Uomi go crazy on the desk, ONE Championship CEO Chatri Sityodtong, who can't quite look away from the manic chaos unfolding on the commentator desk, immediately tells his trusty right hand Niharika Singh: "Get those two into The Apprentice: ONE Championship Edition right away."

      Niharika: "Great idea!"

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      PHOTO: (Ronaldo) AP
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