ODDS are, you know someone who’s cheated or someone who’s got cheated on—heck, it might even be you. Point is, it’s an epidemic that’s been rampant in society since the beginning of time, and no one’s really got a cure for it. And, according to experts, men are more likely to cheat than women. But why?
We all know that there will never be a good enough reason for someone to cheat, and people need to understand that. What we’re doing here is to not justify anyone’s explanations and excuses, but to understand where they’re coming from, and for us to spot such cases before it happens to us. With that, we’ve changed the names of the men who were kind enough to give us their testaments.
“My emotional needs aren’t being met”
Carl, 28, from Fairview, admits that he’s cheated more than he could count on his current girlfriend. And his reason is that his emotional needs aren’t being met.
“Cheating became my escape and my solution to seek validation elsewhere.”
The answer to your problem, Carl, is communication. It should be the most fundamental thing in a relationship. She can’t just suddenly think that you’re lacing attention or love just because you look tired or depressed. You have to tell her in a way that the both of you are calm and really focusing on listening to what each other has to say.
Spend at least 30 minutes a day to talk about how each other’s day went and whatever it is your feeling in and out of your relationship. If you’ve tried talking more about your feelings and nothing changed with the way your relationship is going, it’s best to just end it right there. Save yourself (and her) the stress and the time of having to spending time with somebody else.
“Our sex drives are not compatible”
“I’ve tried escorts, office flings, and one night stands,” says Joseph, 27, from Makati. “She just has an extremely low libido and mine is through the roof.”
It’s probably one of the most ocmmon reasons a guy gives: not getting enough of what they want, so they seek out a stranger to meet their sexual needs. Research shows that men also want to have more sexual partners throughout their lives compared to women.
Obviously, men aren’t good with communicating to their partners what they want, but it’s essential to “negotiate” your sex life with your partner before the bitterness sets in. If you want sex once a day, but your partner is only in the mood once a week, aim for three times a week. Maybe you can even shake up your little routine by starting a bucket list of sorts that’s solely for sex. You can list new things you want to do inside and outside of the bedroom. Take turns planning these little adventures to be fair. If this still doesn’t work for either of you, maybe it’s not time for you to settle into a relationship just yet. Explore. Don’t let yourself get tied down before you feel like wanting other women,
“I wanted to prove to myself that I can still do it”
“I’ve gained a lot of pounds and now my hair is balding, and I feel like my wife isn’t having sex with me because of it,” admits Charles, 31, from San Juan. “I need validation that, despite my gradual transformation, she still wants me as much as she did when we got married.”
Men can be as fragile as women, too, and that’s why most of the time we really do need that support from their partners. And, at times, when a man is left alone with his insecurities, he becomes the thing he hates the most: a cheater. He looks for a woman that will have sex with her despite him “feeling ugly.” This is to pump up virility and self-esteem and validation. This (and every other excuse they have) will never be a VALID reason for any man (or woman) to cheat.
If you’re insecure or down about your relationship, try couple’s therapy where a professional can recommend healthier ways to cope and compromise. Maybe the basic thing to do is to drop hints by complimenting your partner on a regular basis. More often than not, women will pick up on this and should trigger her to do the same thing.
All in all, reasons, excuses, or whatever you want to call them, will never be good enough to cheat and break someone’s trust. It’s better to be honest with your partner about what you feel. You’re not kids anymore. Grow up. If you have the balls to hook up with a different woman, have the balls to talk to your woman about what you want and need in your relationship. You won’t resolve anything by keeping your mouth shut.