Taboo no more: All the tough sex questions guys shouldn't be afraid to ask

Oct 9, 2020
CREATED WITH TRUST Reproductive Health Choices

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There’s some truth to this theory: Guys don’t really talk to each other about sex, at least not in a serious, constructive way. Granted, a person’s sex life is private and should not be volunteered without consent, but it may also have something to do with the fact that most guys are uncomfortable with the idea of people assuming that they’re not doing it right. Simply put, it’s just more convenient to just joke about it, if not keep it to yourself.

At some point, however, you’re going to have to face these issues head on. Look at it this way: The more you know about sexual and reproductive health, the more comfortable you’ll be with the concept of sex. Besides, no one’s really asking you to work your way into becoming a sex god; just informed enough to be confident about it.

The first step is to know what kind of questions to ask. With the help of—a website that allows Filipinos to explore these topics in private—we compiled a list of sex-related questions and answers that most guys can identify with and hopefully learn from. Keep reading:

How do I know if my partner is near orgasm?
The sooner you understand the factors that give pleasure to a woman’s body, the more likely you are to give your partner an orgasm. A number of things happen to a woman’s body when she becomes aroused: the vagina produces more fluid to make it more lubricated, and the clitoris starts to harden and swell, making it more visible and sensitive to touch.

One indication that a woman is nearing orgasm is when her clitoris becomes more sensitive and begins to retract. FYI: Majority of women will reach orgasm with some form of stimulation of the clitoris or the clitoral area. When she does, her vagina experiences a series of three to 15 muscle contractions, giving her intense pleasure. Click here to know more about it.

How do I know if I have the girl’s consent to sleep with her?
Whether or not you’re in a relationship, asking for someone’s consent is a must before sleeping with them. It doesn’t start and end with a yes or no question; it’s also about being able to openly express what you and your partner are comfortable with during sex.

Does flirting and dirty talk count as consent? Are neither of you feeling the pressure to sleep with each other? Do you both prefer to have sex with or without protection? Are you comfortable with the type of intercourse you’re having? Most guys assume that asking these questions will likely kill the mood, but it’ll save you a lot of trouble in the long run. Click here to see what consent really looks like.

Is there a position that will reduce the odds of me accidentally getting her pregnant?
The short answer is there is none. Some people claim that the “cowgirl” or any other position where the woman sits on top makes the sex less likely to lead into an accident, but that’s just silly talk. The bottom line is unprotected vaginal sex may sooner or later lead to pregnancy.

If you’re really not into using protection, your safest bet would be oral and anal sex since there are no egg cells waiting for fertilization inside the rectum or the stomach. That said, this is where consent comes in—anal sex in particular is not everyone’s cup of tea, so make sure you have your partner’s permission before going through it. Click here for a more thorough explanation.

Is it a good idea to hold it in to make the sex last longer?
It depends on your definition of “holding it in.” Is it okay to slow down mid-sex or try to psyche yourself into not coming right away just to last longer in bed? Sure. But when you’re really close to ejaculating, or what they call the “point of no return,” that’s a different story. Pulling out at the very last second is just too risky. In fact, it could be several seconds too late.

Orgasm for men has two stages. First, semen flows to an area near the base of the penis, which is your body telling you that you’re about to come. Once the semen reaches the base of the penis, it’s no longer possible to delay it. The second stage involves the base of the penis and the muscles of the pelvic area going through a series of contractions (five to eight on average), effectively pushing the semen out of you. Click here to get the whole picture.

There’s no reason to feel uncomfortable or insecure about sex, as long as you #DoItRight. Know more about the Do It Right! Do It With TRUST Reproductive Health Choices campaign and participate in the discussion about sexual and reproductive health by visiting and following Do It Right PH on Facebook.

This article was created by Summit Storylabs in partnership with TRUST Reproductive Health Choices.
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