We give Dwyane Wade's new single 'Season Ticket Holder' a 9

Feb 27, 2020

Dwyane Wade sure is living the retired life.

The three-time NBA champion recently got his No. 3 jersey hanged in the rafters by the Miami Heat; ESPN released a documentary about him titled Life: Unexpected; the street in front of the AmericanAirlines Arena was named Dwyane Wade Boulevard — not mention he is being celebrated as a doting father.

The latest feather in his cap? Apparently, the 38-year-old basketball legend is now also a hip-hop recording artist.

Miami-based rapper and Heat lifer Rick Ross launched the single "Season Ticket Holder," which features Raphael Saadiq, Wade, and his longtime teammate Udonis Haslem. Yes, you read that right; Haslem, the franchise leader in total rebounds.

Listen (and in this case, watch):

It's tricky to judge the musicality of a baller-just-turned-bar-dropper, and you also have to consider the fact that Ross and Saadiq killed it with their parts, so we'll let the record charts decide. What we can do, instead, is decipher D Wade's bars to find out if he has what it takes to be the next Shaq or he's just another Dame D.O.L.L.A.:

Continue reading below ↓

I'm the son of a saint, still considered a sinner (Ha)
Three rings on his finger, yeah, that boy was a winner (Winner)
Never known as a singer but this might be a single (Facts)
Always bet on your homies, then go buy the casino (Ballin')

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The second and third verses are pretty straightforward, referencing to the contrast between "'em championship blingz" and his inexperience in the rap game. The intro was a bit confusing, because D-Wade has had a pretty good record on and off the court despite a "trying" childhood in Chicago. The last part came out of nowhere and just didn't make any sense rhyme- and reason-wise.

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Ball is my passion, check my stats if they askin' (Uh)
Shawty checkin' my page, she follow my fashion (I'm clean)
My life is a film and Gab's the lead
She's so precious to me, as the air that I breathe

Here, the 13-time All-Star distracts you from his whack and predictable flow with his decorated basketball resume. He follows it up with a subtle Instagram flex, seemingly forgetting that he had been roasted several times in the past for his sense of style. Of course, Wade's bars won't be complete without him professing his love to his muse (and no, we're not talking about Heat president Pat Riley).

Continue reading below ↓

Time to fuel up the jet, D-Wade jersey the drip (Yeah)
Lamborghini's to match, got Guccis on the strip (Oh yeah)
These haters beneath us as I'm lacin' my sneakers (You dig?)
Season sixteen, Lamborghinis and Neimans

This is where he went from Flash to flash in the pan. Suddenly, the man's name-checking luxury brands, with Lambo even dropped twice for god knows what reason. D-Wade sounds more like a rapper but less himself in these lines. We understand if most of the stuff was ghostwritten by Ross; at the same time, lyrics about the Banana Boat Crew, NBA rivals, or basically Dwyane and basketball would've been better.

For that reason, we give "Season Ticket Holder" a 9, which has nothing to do with Aaron Gordon getting robbed in the dunk contest.

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