LeBron should just shave it all off; maybe you should too

Nov 2, 2019

LEBRON is known for his persistence, but it's time we toss one big “no” in his direction — this time, for his resistance to the inevitable: male pattern baldness. Bron has been battling the big B for years now, to no avail. Some have even speculated that he’s undergone treatments for it. And if he has, none have seen lasting success.

James’ receding hairline (and his refusal to concede to it) were again the topic of conversation recently, when the ailment—ahem—reared its ugly head in the middle of a game against the Utah Jazz. His hair was literally falling out on the hardwood, so his Best Bud Fo Life™ Anthony Davis called his attention to it:

Make no mistake: we aren’t here to shame LeBron James for suffering male pattern baldness. It’s a natural condition, and no one who has it should have to feel embarrassed. We’re just here to sit him down, rest our arms over his mile-wide shoulders, and whisper affectionately in his ear: Maybe it’s time to just shave it all off, man.

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Despite the headband, it’s just not a good look, and his efforts to stave off the baldness only earn him more detractors. To spare himself the indignity of shedding like a Pomeranian puppy on the court, he should really just try a new look. And because male pattern baldness is so common (a Filipino doctor estimates that it affects about a fourth of men in their 30s) the same advice could apply to so many Filipino men as well. Perhaps you also suffer from androgenetic alopecia. In that case, we’re here to whisper in your ear, too: just shave it. Here are a couple of tips for the man who’s finally coming to terms with his baldness.

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Consider the shape of your head.

No, not your face shape—that’s for sunglasses. The shape of your skull determines how well a totally bald hairstyle would work for you. A nice, round head shape is best, of course, but if there are bumps and flat areas on yours, make sure you know them, and consult your barber on how to work around them.

Work your way down to it.

You don’t have to go full skinhead from the get-go. If you want to ease yourself into the bald man life, start with closer crops, then work your way down to a zero. Once again, your barber is your friend here.

Maintain your no-mane.

Shaving it all off means doing so on a regular basis. Once you’ve gotten to know your own head shape well enough through your barber’s clippers, wean yourself off him, and start doing it yourself at home. Invest in a good hair clipper, like one by Wahl’s. Before taking the clippers to your dome, soften your skin with warm water and shave gel. (Make sure it’s alcohol-free, so your skin doesn’t dry out.)

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Stock up on some skincare.

Once you’ve become an adept bald man, try using a post-shave balm or lotion to help you deal with nicks and burns. There are also pre-shave oils that you might want to try, as well as exfoliants and SPF-infused moisturizers. Commiting to the bald-headed life can sometimes involve dabbling in skincare and advanced grooming moves, but it’s always best to figure out what works for you and your individual skin type.

There have been scores of great men in history who’ve managed to make baldness work for them: Michael Jordan, Jason Statham, Samuel L. Jackson, Dwayne Johnson, Demi Moore, Mr. Clean. We hope for his sake that LeBron James will be next on that list, and that more men would just take charge of their heads, defy their receding hairlines, and own their baldness.

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